How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

1) Five. One to climb the ladder, four to say "That should be me up there!"
2) None. The stunt double does it for them.

How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously order an American light bulb.

How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?

How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?

1) Changing light bulbs is futile. Resistance is voltage divided by current.
2) None. They just self-destruct the malfunctioning equipment.
3) All of them.

How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. Two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

1) Five. One to climb the ladder, four to say "That should be me up there!"
2) None. The stunt double does it for them.

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"

Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

Who cares? They're in the dark if they change the bulb or not.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

1) Five. One to climb the ladder, four to say "That should be me up there!"
2) None. The stunt double does it for them.

How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?

How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?

1) Changing light bulbs is futile. Resistance is voltage divided by current.
2) None. They just self-destruct the malfunctioning equipment.
3) All of them.

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes millions of years.

How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

1) "Hmmm ... well there's an interesting question isn't it?"
2) "Define 'light bulb' ..."
3) "How can you be sure it needs changing?"
4) Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the light bulb exists.

How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?

How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Arabs just sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

1) Five. One to climb the ladder, four to say "That should be me up there!"
2) None. The stunt double does it for them.

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They use candles.

How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

1) "Hmmm ... well there's an interesting question isn't it?"
2) "Define 'light bulb' ..."
3) "How can you be sure it needs changing?"
4) Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the light bulb exists.

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

1) A roomful - they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the ramifications of the change.

2) None, they like to keep employees in the dark.

3) "This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile ..."

4) "We've formed a task-force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder."

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

1) "I want a detailed memo about this issue till tomorrow's morning."
2) "You were supposed to have changed that light bulb last week!"
3) "We haven't got a policy on that".
4) "I am on my way to a very important meeting, so we'll discuss it some other time."
5) Three. Two to find out if it needs changing, and one to tell an employee to change it.

How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

1) 1001. One to install the new bulb, plus one thousand lawyers to assert intellectual property rights over every light bulb ever invented.
2) Microsoft doesn't change light bulbs. It declares Darkness (TM) the new standard.

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"

Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

One-two, one-two, one-two.